How to Put Your Perfectionism to Work for You
We all have beliefs that we’ve developed over time based on our life experiences. Some are supportive of our goals. Others aren’t.
One of the beliefs that I’ve had to grapple with during my life is perfectionism.
This belief got called out early in my career. Unfortunately at that time, I didn’t have the tools to dig into it, much less overcome it.
In this article, I’ll share how my perfectionism got called out early in my career, my journey from perfectionist to recovering perfectionist, what it taught me, and how you can apply my learnings to your career.
High Standards Didn't Protect Me from Being Laid Off
After I graduated from college, I got a job as a support engineer in a chemical plant. I worked there for just over a year until I was laid off.
I was shocked at the news because I worked hard and received good feedback on my performance reviews. I met my boss’s high expectations, often going above and beyond.
I was filled with fear when I told my family the news. We had recently bought our first house and expected two incomes to support our lifestyle.
One of the engineers that I knew and respected referred me to his recruiter.
When we had our introductory call, the recruiter asked me a lot of questions about my background to help understand what kind of role I might be a good fit for.
During the conversation, he asked, “So how would you rank yourself against the other engineers you work with?”
I thought for a minute. “Well, I’d say I’m solid but I have a lot to learn. I have a long way to go.”
He shuffled his papers for a minute and asked, “Okay… so who are you comparing yourself to?”
“Tom Evans,” I replied. “He’s been with the company over 30 years and is an absolute genius at figuring out plant problems.”
Then the recruiter laughed at me.
I looked at the phone, humiliated.
After he caught his breath, he said,” You're being too hard on yourself. I mean, you've only been out of school for less than two years, right? So why are you assuming that you need to have the same level of skill as some guy with 30 years in the industry - those are totally unrealistic standards for you at your level of experience.”
My Prior Experience Taught Me Perfectionism Is a Good Thing
I heard his message… I was being too hard on myself. I thought he was making a mistake because that was contrary to what I believed at that point in my life.
I was conditioned in school that being perfect is good. The more perfect your grades are, the more opportunities you have for scholarships.
And there was no way I would have attended college without academic scholarships. We couldn’t afford for me to go to college.
In my engineering training, I learned that we had to be perfect in order to keep people, equipment and the environment safe.
All the messages I received were that being perfect was good. Therefore, I believed that I had to become an expert in my field in order to become that perfect engineer I wanted to be.
Was everything I was taught to believe a mistake?
The Hidden Cost of Perfectionism
On the surface perfectionism seems like a good thing since it implies meeting high standards in whatever is being done. When you do things “right”, then you expect good results.
The danger of perfectionism is in the high expectations that are either placed on us or that we place on ourselves. They can be healthy or unhealthy, and sometimes we don’t clearly see the difference.
Healthy high expectations are those that can be achieved with sustained effort with a slight “stretch”. Doing a good job means you can expect good results. And the doing of the job should be within your capabilities or just slightly outside so that you can grow through that slight additional effort.
The danger lies in trying to meet unrealistic standards. They still call for you to do a good job. However, they often require effort that exceeds your capacities or your capabilities. In order to meet the unrealistic expectation, you often have to expend a gargantuan effort to get it done, often at the cost of your personal energy, your off-time, and your mental health.
Such huge efforts can be managed in the short-term - for example, during an emergency or a high-intensity short-term project at work. But after all that physical and mental effort is expended, you need to rest and recuperate from the stress of the experience in order to maintain your health and well-being.
When perfectionist tendencies become the norm for ALL your work, then that unhealthy perfectionism can negatively affect your life.
You can overwork yourself, slowly eroding your health and well-being. You can neglect your family and friends, causing you to feel more isolated and alone. And if you happen to make a mistake, your self-confidence is shattered.
Having a belief that perfection is good in all your work can erode your long-term quality of life.
How I Developed a Relationship with Healthy Perfectionism
Coming to terms with my perfectionistic behavior at work didn't happen overnight. It took a lot of self development to understand how this belief showed up in my work and in my life.
I didn’t have a lot of help early in my journey, so I used the tools I knew about - mainly self-development books and journaling. As my journey progressed, I learned additional tools and skills that helped me and that I now use with my clients.
These tools helped me dig underneath my need to be perfect and work through the fear and other unhealthy emotions that reinforced the habit of my perfectionistic traits.
I learned how to set realistic goals for myself that stretched me without undue stress and overwhelm. I developed a strategic plan for my career growth that I could use to evaluate opportunistic assignments and future roles to help me get what I wanted.
I learned how to advocate for myself so that I could maintain appropriate boundaries at work to achieve a better balance between work and life. Sometimes these conversations can be scary, but I learned how to manage my fear so that I could go into each difficult conversation with confidence.
Today I set high standards for myself knowing that I likely won’t achieve everything I set out to do. I set very few hard deadlines because I don’t want to fall into a habit of overworking. And when I inevitably make a mistake or things don’t work out as I planned, I give myself grace knowing that doing my best was good enough and was the point of the goal in the first place.
It’s called living by “adaptive perfectionism”.
How to Develop a Friendship with Your Perfectionism
If you think you might be working too hard because of a perfectionism habit, then there are two things you can do today to begin understanding your perfectionism with the goal of learning how to make it work for you, not against you.
First, you can take stock of your career - use these as starter prompts for your evaluation.
What’s working well?
What’s not working well?
Are you happy in your current position?
Do you feel like you have to overwork to keep your job?
Do you feel like your boss has unrealistic expectations of you?
Do you feel like the company culture drives people to unhealthy perfectionism to get ahead?
Are there any red flags at work that you’ve been ignoring?
It's a good thing to understand if your boss or company drives people to unhealthy perfectionism in order to get ahead. This information ultimately helps you make better career decisions to support your family and your physical and mental health.
Second, you can begin listening to the feelings under your perfectionism.
When did you first notice your need for perfection?
Did your family or school praise you when you were perfect?
How has overworking benefited you?
How has overworking harmed you?
What do you really want when you overwork?
It’s normal to avoid digging into unpleasant feelings. As humans, we don’t like to feel bad - we avoid it as much as we can.
Many people find that getting support makes it easier to understand the reasons for your perfectionism.
When you’re ready for support, here’s where you can learn more about what I do.
Heather Lakatos Career Breakthrough Strategist View My Bio